Inspiration

I am a terribly broken person. Only a few people would know this because I, like many people, have hidden it so well. I would say just recently I hit rock bottom, but I don’t want to say that for the fear that it could always be worse. The story of my self-destruction will be for a later post. I would, however, like to share a passage from Hosea that I read after the whole ordeal happened. One of the mentors at my church that I ran to recommended I read it, and as I did, I saw my reflection in the words.

“Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness. So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations; her yearly festivals, her New Moons. Her Sabbath days – all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot, declares the Lord.” Hosea 2:9-13

That has been me, the past week, month, and year. I have forgotten the Lord and sought satisfaction in everything except Him. I’m like a child who doesn’t listen when their mother tells them not to touch the hot burner on a stove. But I can’t help it, no matter how many times I get burned, I continue to reach out my hand.

The next verses in Hosea are more promising, more uplifting.  It’s the promise God has made to me, the promise I’m now taking comfort in. I think part of me is still resisting, still recovering.

My Bible study leader, Jessie, has told me numerous times she needs God to break her before she learns to rely solely on him. Until a few days ago, I didn’t realize I too needed to be terribly, terribly broken to start this journey back to the one who is forever pursuing me.